As the holidays officially come to a close, and as I try to return order to our messy little home, I'm finding it difficult to wrap this year up neatly and tie it with a bow. And as I often find myself at the end of each calendar year, I am so happy it's over yet so sad to watch it go.
To know me is to know that I am overly nostalgic, often sentimental, and dripping with wistfulness. It's just who I am. Sometimes I'll still be in a moment when I'll find myself already longing for its return. Will I remember the way his eyes looked when he said that? Will I remember the way she twists her mouth like that? Will I remember exactly how it felt when I watched them do that?
If history serves as an indicator, I probably won't remember it all. And as someone who prides herself on retaining even the most mundane of details, it pains me that I won't be able to. I won't be able to add every last detail of our lives to my already full card catalog of memories. And that card catalog isn't even as big as it once was. Things are getting pushed out and disappearing completely. And that's a tragedy for the nostalgic heart. Some not-so-nostalgic hearts might think that's a good thing, that it's a good thing to clear out the memories—the less to be nostalgic about the better. I suppose some of that is true. I suppose it is both a curse and a blessing to forget things and I admit there are some memories that I wish would leave me forever. But all of those memories make me who I am, whether I remember them in detail or not.
What's funny is that as nostalgic as I am for the past, I love to start over, to start fresh, to start new. I'm always looking for an opportunity and a reason to reinvent myself. I'm always looking for a reason to not let the grass grow under my feet. And though I've never really been a fan of New Year's Eve in general, I absolutely love New Year's Day. It's a new beginning. Another chance to try harder, do better, love more, give more, be more. I guess that's true about every new day, actually, not just New Year's Day. Every new day gives us a second chance, an opportunity to do it over and to be more than we were the day before. So that's what I'm going to keep trying. Every day. Be more than I was the day before.
Be well, friends. I wish you much peace, love, and prosperity in the coming new year.