This picture was taken 20 years ago, almost to the day. We were sitting on his bed, in his old apartment on John Street at U of I, and I think it was taken by one of his roommates. George, I think it was. I had just turned 18, he was 20. I was a brand new freshman, he was a junior. I was studying to be a photographer, he was studying to be a sculptor. He played the guitar, I made bracelets. We grew up a few blocks away from each other but didn't meet until I was 16. We started dating almost immediately after we met. The first time I saw him, I remember thinking I was looking into a mirror, like his face was as familiar as my own. I said to my best friend (who'd been trying to introduce the two of us for months), "How funny, I'm going to marry that guy." She thought maybe I should take a breath.
Four years after this picture was taken, we got married. I was 22, he was 24. We'd already been together for six years. We moved to Eugene, Oregon, and lived together for the first time. It seemed so novel to be so young, playing house like that. I remember finally being able to live the life I always wanted.
Eight years after this picture was taken, I was pregnant with Arden. My sister had just gotten her leg run over by a garbage truck and the world seemed to be falling apart. He held mine together.
Eleven years after this picture was taken, I was pregnant with Perry. It was the scariest time of my life. My world was falling apart. He held it together. He still holds that part of me together, every day.
Twelve years after this picture was taken, I was done with Eugene and I thought if I stayed there another day it would be the end of me. I begged him to move us to Portland, or back to Chicago, or to anywhere else, and he listened. With Perry in my arms and Arden by my side, I watched him pack up our house and carry it all away. For us. For me.
And seventeen years after this picture was taken, I made him do it again.
He makes me laugh, a lot. He thinks he's smarter than me and I think I'm smarter than him. Perry says that Mommy knows a lot about people and Daddy knows a lot about the world. I do know that we've been together so long that there really is no before for us, it's just simply always been.
And I know that I never, ever, ever want to be without him.
Sixteen years ago today, the two of us got married.
